Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
