you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
