He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
