carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
