Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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