I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
where am i from again
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
