Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize