You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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