Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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