please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
