You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
