I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
