and i looked up. we had an audience...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
