I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
