Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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