god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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