My pussy is not your playground.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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