I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
