4 words: hood of his car
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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