You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
