It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
