Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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