I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
