Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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