the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
