I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
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