She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
