either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
