he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
