dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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