she woke up with a sticky ear
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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