Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
there is glitter all over my balls
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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