I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
