if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
