please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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