I'd wear matching sweaters with you
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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