you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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