Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
