Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize