This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
