I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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