god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
