i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
