I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
