The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
