3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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