Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize