Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
