We're like a lot better than the average bears
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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