today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
