I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Randomize
