why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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