i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
