Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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