well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
