I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
