im drinking this country out of the recession.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
