talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
