dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize