Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
