Don't make out with my wife yet
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
