i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
