my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
