Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
