Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
