I'm so fucking centered right now
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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