Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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