a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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